Dear Dumb Diary
Why is starting the hardest part? its annoying. (also the title is from an old book i read) skip to the last paragraph if you're just here for the "why should i read your sh*t?" part.
ive been staring at substack for a few weeks now. (i also feel incredibly late to this party but ohkay) Reading a few posts, i spent a good hour designing the “branding” for my newsletter, picked out a name, picked a picture that i felt was an excellent representation of me trying to write (in public, for public consumption) again.
(because ofc, diary I havent ever stopped writing, i just stopped blogging - there was Voldemort’s Nose, my old twitter handle, and then there was effzedbringsthehorizon dot wordpress dot com) please note this image below which encapsulates my feelings on both of those blog like platforms and the time i spent on it.
I read a few essays,
restacked a few notes,
subscribed to a few writers,
and my fingers are itching. my brain is doing that thing where the words pile up against the walls and cram themselves into the corners of my mind until all i can think about is writing but feeling HOPELESSLY HOPELESS about what to write about FIRST and how to -
let me preface this next part here with some context diary, for your convenience: my career in content creation, is sprinkled through with sales and marketing experience (emphasis on sprinkled) and so along with what to write ABOUT there is the big question: who will read it?
and then another question, does it matter?
(the above is me screaming into the proverbial void. i forgot how lack luster stock images are i will have to start taking photos specifically for this situation)
my brain starts burning inside my head and my fingers start twitching and no amount of alternate crafts or creative side projects are proving effective in dulling the we should start writing feeling.
even though, diary, ive calmly discussed with my brain that now is the ABSOLUTE wrong time to start another project, another hobby, another thing that will require time and effort and attention and am i sure this isnt just a procrastination technique? a delaying tactic? AS I SIT HERE AND WRITE TO YOU DIARY I HAVE EDITING TO DO.
especially now in what we could call the BUSIEST time of year for me and every other creative/ freelancer out there.
but the nagging voice wont quit
“let’s do something small”
“something thats not a big deal”
“a journal entry, we dont even have to edit it or use capital letters or WE CAN EVEN WRITE IN SHORT HAND JUST FREAKING WRITE SOMETHING”
that last one is what got me here, as you can imagine diary, i was reluctant to trust myself with this one but im so curious about where this might go? as an outlet, as a way to practice writing again? as a hobby that i can indulge in that furthers my development and brings me (an admittedly stunning amount) of joy? idk.
anyway if you’re reading this (yes you) and you’ve made it this far, this substack (internet pothole) of mine will be used for:
poetry that i will write when im feeling a type of way
diary entries like this one
diary entries that make more sense
analyses of feelings and events and thoughts that im going to write about and discuss with you, dear reader.
i am thinking about documenting my career but i feel like my other social media platforms do that already. i also feel i create enough content as a job i dont wany to WRITE content about creating content. or maybe i will if it comes up?? lets not close any doors (insert shrug here)
thank you for coming :)